Normativity

Disclaimer: gay rant ahead.

Lately I've been seeing, both in the media and in examples in my own life, of the ways in which homosexuals, and homosexuality, seem to be characterised as overtly sexual beings. As in, because we identify with a certain sexual minority, our lives must surely revolve around sex; having as much as possible, with as many different people as possible, simply because we can.

As though being gay is almost synonymous with promiscuity.

And sure, there are a lot of examples as to why this reasoning might be justified. Anyone who knows about the iPhone phenomenon of Grindr will know that this modern age has made finding 'fun' so much easier. In my opinion, it's almost too easy, taking - for want of a better word - the 'fun' out of it.

People seem to follow this train of thought:

- Men always want sex --> Gay men want sex with other men --> Gay men are constantly having sex with each other because they both want it, all the time.

Again, I can't deny this is sometimes the case. Keyword: sometimes.

I will admit (and I wouldn't be the first) that sex is fun. But promiscuity is certainly not something that defines homosexuality.

In much the same way, promiscuity is not something that escapes heterosexuality.

The point that I am slowly coming to is that, in the endless debate of 'gay marriage' (which I am actually not discussing in this blog), some queer parties have been accused of "subscribing to hetero-normative ways of life" in an attempt to gain approval.

Um, what?

Since when has monogamy been the exclusive domain of the straight couple?

I don't want to be straight; I just want to have the ability to have a loving, exclusive relationship with a man and, should I choose to do so, not be accused of being a sell out to hetero-normativity.

We joke about a female being 'a gay man trapped in a woman's body'; why can't we just accept the fact she's a highly promiscuous woman and be done with it?

I'm not saying gay people don't have lots of sex. I'm not saying they do either... well maybe I am, but it's not only gay people.

I know there are fundamental differences between the culture of sexualities.

What annoys me is that so many people fail to see some of the fundamental similarities.

To me, wanting a loving, monogamous relationship doesn't make me 'straight'.

It makes me human.

"Sure, in a lot of ways, I am just like you. I wanna be happy, I want some security, a little extra money in my pocket, but in many ways, my life is nothing like yours. Why should it be? Do we all have to have the same lives to have the same rights? I thought that diversity was what this country was all about. In the gay community, we have drag queens, leather daddies, trannies, and couples with children - every colour of the rainbow. My mother's standing way in the back with some friends. My friends. She once told me that people are like snowflakes; every one special and unique... and in the morning you have to shovel 'em off the driveway. But being different is what makes us all the same. It's what makes us family." - Michael Novotny, Queer As Folk