Not outwardly, of course. To the public eye I can usually dull it down to a subtle sheen of confidence.
So what changed?
Why do I suddenly feel so inadequate?
I used to spruce myself up before every night out.
I'd do my hair, wink to the mirror and think 'Damn boy, you're looking fine tonight'.
Maybe it was the lighting, maybe it was the comparative sobriety, or maybe it was just me waking up to smell the roses.
But I hated the way I looked.
I wanted to hide, to change, to destroy all evidence.
Where I once let it all hang out, keeping no secrets, I was suddenly ashamed.
Every past compliment simply meant nothing. I could feel guys watching me, but instead of feeling attractive, I felt ugly, like some freak they were all judging.
I used to think how weak anyone with a body image issue would be, to succumb so easily to the outside world pressures.
I guess I just kept my own insecurities from myself.
"LA told me 'You'll be a pop star:
all you have to change is everything you are
tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
she's so pretty - that just ain't me" - P!nk
Doubt is a profound ingredient in the recipe for progress. We can't advance without first doubting. Lawyers doubt the facts. Scientists doubt the theory. Artists doubt the answers. People doubt themselves. The trick is not to mistake the doubt for the truth. And one simple truth is that you have written something worth reading.
ReplyDeletexMichael