Right now, I'm not so sure that I'd agree.
I've somehow only just realised that there's one consistent problem that I've had with every boyfriend, every relationship, every fling, every single attempt at romance, no matter how mighty or mere.
How it escaped me before is beyond me, but it's finally been brought to my attention that I've had next to nothing in common with them.
Because no, being gay doesn't count.
Yes, all gay men (or at least out ones) have similar experiences of coming out, no matter how heart-warming or tragic their variations may be. You can exchange stories and pretend you're really connecting, but it pains me to realise I've had these kinds of chats with strangers on the internet as easily as I've had them with my lovers.
Then there's those typical gay stereotypes: partying, drinks and drugs, Ke$Ha, etc.
I used to joke that a love for Lady Gaga was mandatory in any perspective partner.
And while it makes for a fun night out, and can be enough to bond over with close friends, it's not exactly a unique connection of any kind that could lay down the strong foundations of any sort of successful relationship.
I've never dated a musician. I've never dated someone who had a particularly or especially proactive view on politics or gay rights issues (which is kind of hard to believe, no?). I've never dated someone quite so interested in spirituality and mysticism. I've never dated anyone who really shared any of the passions I have in my life, who I really and truly had something in common with.
I've dated cynical, atheistic med students, amazingly-built health-freak/gym-junkies, party-boy hairdressers-turned-bankers, allergy-ridden liars, even a MECO student with a passion for Twilight fan fiction (who's ambition to be a 'lady of leisure' was probably the closest thing in common I had with any of them; the inherent nature of which rendered us quite incompatible).
Most of them have been lovely guys, gorgeous people who instantly captured me with their personalities.
I'd like to think that I did the same with them, but in the end, the spark dies.
We brought the bricks, but are we collectively lacking the mortar that holds us all together?
The flame petters out, and I'm left with a hollow, burnt-out shell of what was shaping up to be my happy ending.
I've been hit with the 'it's not you, it's me' line more than I'd care to admit, but in most cases I'd like to believe that their reasoning was perfectly legitimate.
But maybe, in the larger scheme of things... perhaps it is me?
I know I fall hard and fast, and sometimes I think I fall in love with the idea of a person more than what they actually are.
And then I just get disappointed when they don't see me the way I see them.
Or that I just don't see them the way they really are.
"so go on and think about whatever you need to think about,
go on and dream about whatever you need to dream about,
and come back to me when you know just how you feel." - Why, Avril Lavigne
Sometimes it takes a long time to realise that the smarter you are, the more creative you are, the more higher up the spiritually evolved ladder you are... often leave you standing there alone.
ReplyDeleteYou can be surrounds by people who love you, but if you have been there, seen that, and done it all before, then there is nothing new to really cpature and hold your attention when it comes to other people.
Instead you may want to continue on walking the path that is yours and yours alone. After all, if you are true to your path, then you feet will lead you in the right direction and you will end up where you are meant to be.
It will also bring you into the path of other liked minded souls. But remember that no matter how much you love someone, they may never complete you... the reason for this is because you are already complete, everything else is just an add on.
But don't feel that because you have been unlucky in love, you fail to touch people. You have and will touch people in ways you cannot even begin to imagine...